Mrs. PIE

Healing Family Wounds: Reconciling Parent-Child Relationships

• Shelley Jeffcoat • Season 4 • Episode 143

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Through personal reflections on migraines and parenting challenges, we explore how to heal broken relationships with our children by speaking life, setting loving boundaries, and covering their futures in prayer.

• Speaking life through our words shapes how children see themselves and their future
• Setting boundaries with love corrects without breaking their spirits
• Prayer coverage for children's purpose helps them walk confidently in their calling
• Healing broken relationships requires forgiveness when children make mistakes
• Avoid reminding children of past failures just as we don't want to be reminded of our own
• Children need to make mistakes to learn and develop their own relationship with God
• Reconciliation between parents and children is essential for spiritual well-being
• Parents must forgive themselves for their own mistakes in parenting
• Seeking wisdom from God helps parents respond appropriately to challenges

If you're struggling, call our prayer phone line or join our Facebook group "Come Out of the Wilderness" to submit your prayer requests and receive support.


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Speaker 2:

no-transcript. Good morning, dr Tracy. She's getting ready to board her flight, so we're going to pray that the Lord will take you safely, you'll land safely where you're going, and y'all. This morning I was just sitting here thinking before I got started. First of all, I've had little sleep because I'm dealing with like a migraine situation, so I'll just put that out there. Um, that my if, if I, if I, my energy's out office a little bit because I am tired and I'm dealing with migraine, okay, but even so, I'm still grateful and honored to be here to serve y'all and to share what I believe is good, solid teaching. So the month of June, we were really focusing on our kids and as parents whether we're godparents, mom and dad, auntie, uncle, if you have children as a part of your assignment that this was really the month that we were turning things up in parenting and how we, we adults, how we treat the kids in our lives, and so what I want to do this morning is just kind of give us a summary, and I'm also going to share this scripture coming out of Micah that I love, but it's going to be a punch in the face. All right, I'm going to give you a heads up. So, before we get started, lord, I just thank you for allowing us to see another Thursday. I thank you for all the parents with the heart to serve, with the heart to honor and take care of the children you've placed in our lives, whether they're children, they're young children or they're adults now. I thank you for all of those who stood in the gap for parents and I thank you for those who maybe they're not parents yet, but they have a heart that's nurturing and even so, lord, god, that you'll bless them so that they can take care of those that you've placed in their path, the young and adult children that you've placed in their path. And I pray, lord, as you speak to us this morning, that you've placed in their path, the young and adult children that you've placed in their path. And I pray, lord, as you speak to us this morning, that you remind us that, in the same way that we look to you to help us, guide us, nurture us, feed us and protect us, it's the same thing that our kids are looking for in us. And I ask that you'll just speak to each of our hearts so that we'll be better at this, we'll do a better job at this and you'll encourage us, amen. So that's my quick amen and um, oh, thank you, dr Tracy. I appreciate that Y'all.

Speaker 2:

Migraines are real, okay, and it just kind of is what it is Um, my, uh, my. It's something that runs in my family, which means that and again, you know I'm not a person, I don't claim curses but it's something that has been constant in my family and I know sometimes what triggers it is stress, but actually what triggered it for me is this crazy heat that's happening right now, bouncing from different air conditioning to heat, and it gives me headaches and once I get a headache it easily goes into migraine, gives me headaches. Once I get a headache, it easily goes into a migraine, which can be a little bit crippling, and my migraines they start. They actually the worst ones hit around 3 am. So when they come on at 3 am it feels like and I have my younger sister. She actually survived an aneurysm twice and so did one of my brothers. I know that's not my portion because they have additional health issues. I'm not trying to get out their business, but maybe I'm saying this because somebody else needs to hear this, that when you start to feel those migraines coming on, don't panic.

Speaker 2:

I did pray Lord. Migraines coming on, don't panic. Okay, you know, I did pray Lord, heal me, help me. And and then you are. You know, don't just do that. You got to do the practical things as well. So I got up and I had some water and I took some Tylenol and then I laid back and I started to do the pressure on my eyes and all the things. So I'm going to have a full day of back-to-back meetings, but that means that I'm also going to have to manage my time when I'm done in the afternoon and take care of myself. Today I'm going to be a little bit slower in the way I show up, but I'm still here 100%. So I just want to share that for anyone who's going through kind of this type of thing. Maybe this is new to you. This is also really good.

Speaker 2:

Here we are talking about healing what's broken. I'm talking about healing my headache, but this is also again a reminder for you as a parent, as a guardian or whatevercare situation right now, and they are feeling the stress from that y'all Working all day, picking up the kids after camp and just feeling exhausted. They're exhausted financially, they're exhausted emotionally. So I want to encourage you to take time and take care of yourself. Y'all. We don't have to cook dinner every single night. Okay, it's okay to do takeout. All right, it's okay to do that. We still have to take care of ourselves as parent and guardians. We also have to put the scripture really quickly of the things that we might have said and done this month to our kids. Okay, so a lot of you are carrying that heaviness, but you also have to forgive yourself.

Speaker 2:

Parenting did not come with a handbook. If y'all got one, I didn't get one, and so there's a lot of things that we're learning along the way. None of us are perfect parents. Our kids will tell us that. So, malachi, four to six actually, before I do that, let me just tell you really quickly where we were.

Speaker 2:

Week one, we talked about speaking life and how our words shape how our kids see themselves and their actual future. So it's really important how we choose the words. The words that we use are meant to heal and uplift and guide. Right, don know, don't talk crazy to your kids. The second week, we talked about correcting with care, and it really was about how we can set boundaries with our children adults also without breaking their spirits, and I think about kids that have. Maybe they've graduated high school and they're on their way to college, or maybe, you know, they've lost their jobs, their adult kids, and they've had to come back home. Well, we have to set boundaries, it's true, but you have to do that in a way where we're correcting and guiding, but we're not breaking their spirits, we're not putting them down. Discipline is supposed to produce a harvest of righteousness. You're not supposed to we, all of us, we're not supposed to correct in a way that breaks their spirit. Okay, even when they make mistakes, y'all, because our kids are supposed to make mistakes the same way. Hello, we make mistakes.

Speaker 2:

So last week we talked about covering their future in prayer and we were in Jeremiah 1.5 before I formed you in the womb, I knew you and we really talked about speaking life over their purpose, even when they can't see it. Sometimes they can't see it. It's not a situation where I'm telling you because you want your kid to be a doctor. Now you're speaking the purpose and the purpose is for them to be a doctor. What I'm saying when I talk about speaking purpose is reminding them that they have value and helping them to walk confidently in who they're called to be and then we all we have to support them in that. So this week is really about healing what's broken. We're going to pull all and everything together, really, when it comes to healing strained relationships that you have and being able to build trust again, and we're going to ask God to restore the connection and the communication that we have in our families. Okay, amen, there you go, dr Tracy.

Speaker 2:

Again, I don't plan it in alignment with people's issues. I just release the words and it just happens to fall where it falls. So Malachi 4.6 says words and it just happens to fall where it falls. So Malachi 4.6 says he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers. That's reconciliation, lest I come and strike the land with the decree of utter destruction. I'm going to read another variation of this from the CEB version, because I love the way it says turn the hearts of the parents to the children and the hearts of the parents to the children and the hearts of the children to the parents. Otherwise, I'll come and strike the land with a curse. This is more of a warning, y'all.

Speaker 2:

So we spent the last three weeks talking about how we are meant to speak life, how we're meant to uplift Again our children are going to make mistakes. The most painful part as a parent I think we can all agree is watching our kids make mistakes and we can't do anything to save them and knowing. This is kind of where you got to trust God, because just as he is our father, he is their father as well, that they're going to make mistakes. If they don't make the mistakes, they won't learn. If they don't make the mistakes, they won't learn right. And it's the most horrible because we do not. We don't want our kids to fail, we don't want them to suffer, we don't want anything to come against them in any way. But I'm promising you that if you truly believe again the Lord is working all things together for their good not just for our good, but also for them that there are mistakes that we actually have, we have to step out of the way.

Speaker 2:

I'm a West Indian mom, which means I'm all up in the entire business of my child, planning her entire life, plus her husband and all her kids and what their name is going to be. Okay, I was built, built like that. Okay, and I had to learn that um, in order for her to experience the Lord the way Jesus, the way I have, that she has to. She has to. She has to face the consequences of her decisions. She has to meet him where she is not, where I am right. I know the love of God. I understand forgiveness. I understand his grace. I receive his mercy. I appreciate the favor. I know all of these things. Now come on, moms and dads, because we have experienced God in our own way, going through the things and growing up.

Speaker 2:

It's harder to explain where you are to your parents who've already experienced this for themselves. Like our kids want to make their own decisions. They want to be independent. We are raising independent thinkers, but when they start making decisions that are not the decisions that we would make, it creates conflict. It creates conflict and that conflict, if it's not resolved, starts becoming bitterness in our hearts against our children. We start to become so disappointed in their decisions that we start turning our hearts away our children. We start to become so disappointed in their decisions that we start turning our hearts away from them. Then we start to speak I can't believe you did blah, blah, blah and you should have known better. We start to speak things into them and, rather than lifting them, we start to curse the things that they're doing, okay, and so turning the hearts of fathers again we're talking about mothers, too right To their children and the hearts of children to their fathers. This come, unless I come, basically, and destroy.

Speaker 2:

It's hard for us to, as we're trying to be kingdom builders and kingdom wars, all the things that we say we're going to do, breakthrough and blessings, and all the as we're trying to be kingdom builders and kingdom wars, all the things that we say we're going to do, breakthrough and blessings, and all the things, all the things that we're trying to establish in our own lives, whether it's your career or your business or your whatever, it is as parents that we're trying to establish and set up legacies and all the things. It's very difficult to do that when your heart for your child is turned against them, right. In the same way that, if you think about this, our relationship to God, it's hard for us to have a foundation of success I mean a long-term success and build legacy and and all the things when our hearts are turned against god, right, so, uh, so. So we are at a point now where we we make a couple of decisions, and the first one is you cannot, we can't be in panic when our kids are going the wrong way. Uh, it is, it is frightful. I'm gonna say that because, because that's how I feel. Okay, it is frightful, it can be disappointing, but we can't panic. We can't panic because when we panic, our response becomes panic. When we panic, we take God out of the mix. Okay, we take God out of the mix.

Speaker 2:

So one of the things that I urge all of us to do, because we're talking about healing what's broken, is we're going to focus on the relationship with our kids. We want to have the kind of relationship with our kids that they feel comfortable coming to talk to us about anything and everything, and obviously we know that there's some things that our kids are never going to come talk to us about. If they have friends that they trust or family members that you trust or whatever, and there's other relationships there, you got to allow that to happen. Give them the chance, the opportunity to go and talk to somebody else. What we don't want is we don't want our kids to make the mistakes and feel like they can't talk to anybody at all. Okay, that's the first thing. The second thing is that healing what's broken in the relationship and forgiving them when they make a mistake is huge.

Speaker 2:

Just like us y'all, if I make a mistake with one of my friends and they refuse to let that thing go, and even if they bring it up as a joke 10 years later and you remember when you did so-and-so, it's highly likely I'm going to cut you off because I don't want anybody to remind me of the mistakes I've made. Thank you very much. I can I can do that very well by myself. Our kids are the same way. Our kids don't need us to remind them of mistakes they made a month ago, last week and last year. It's one thing to say let's think about what you're trying to do and then, when you bring up something that happened before, it's more of a guidance Well, we tried this this way and maybe this didn't work. Let's go this direction right, but not holding it over their heads like you should have listened to me. You shouldn't have done that. Blah, blah, blah. Your friends, we got to be careful what we're saying. Our kids don't need.

Speaker 2:

Like I said, just like us, we don't need to be reminded of the mistakes that we made. We want to know. You know what do we do next? So you need to ask the Lord to give you wisdom in your response. That's going to be a part of the healing of what's broken. And so, again, turning the hearts of fathers to their children and basically reconciling relationships, healing what's broken. You know that's what we're going to ask the Lord for today. He's going to reveal to you some parts of you that's broken. I say you I'm talking about everybody, including myself. Show us in us, in ourselves, what's broken in us.

Speaker 2:

I know, for me, I've always had trust issues with people, as as I got older, I realized how incredible my parents were. But when I was growing up, I didn't like those people. Okay, they were all you know. They were doing all the things for everybody in the community. And where was I right? I literally had that. Okay, so, uh, so obviously, age and experience gives you clarity and also wisdom. So we're gonna ask the lord to give us wisdom in how we respond to what's going on with our kids. We know that, by his grace, the grace that's on us is the grace that's on our children. So we are not going to freak out or panic. Right, we got to let the Lord work some things out. Everything is not a spiritual attack. Some of these things are just lessons that your kids have to learn.

Speaker 2:

A lot of us, especially churchgoers, we say how our kids, our lives. They're touched, and someone spoke that our kids are going to do great things and blah, blah, blah. Well, in order for your children to do great things, they have to have tremendous experiences, and not all those experiences are going to be good. So I don't want us to get in front of the experiences our kids need to have in order so they can be the great right, just being for real right. So we're going to pray, lord, that you'll help us for every person under the sound of my voice, whether they're a parent or godparent, auntie and uncle, even a family member or a trusted family friend who you place in the lives of the children under our care, whether they're adults or they're young ones. Father, I pray that you'll first help us to heal what's broken, the relationships that's broken, the communication that's broken, the connections that's broken. And even, as we're in the US, we're going into another major holiday, even asking that you'll even use this holiday as a way to reconcile us, bring us together, make it light and bless us so that we'll all have fun together, lord God, that we'll laugh together, we'll share joyful moments together and that, even through these moments, that you'll present an opportunity for us to just hug each other and love on each other and forgive each other and heal the brokenhearted.

Speaker 2:

I pray for parents who are having a sense of feeling of disappointment, feeling disappointed in their children and decisions that they're making. Lord God, that I ask, lord God, that you'll even speak to their hearts so that it doesn't become bitterness, that it doesn't play out in a way that it hurts or harms the kids. But I pray for the children in our lives that they will come to see with clarity, they'll see wisdom, they'll have wisdom and understanding. That you'll guide them in their decisions or God, even though they are meant to have incredible experiences. We all pray, lord God, that that it's not something that will separate them from you and that you'll bless our children, that the path that they take, that you have wielded for them, and that there'll be obedient to that, whatever you call them to do, whether they're meant to be teachers or doctors, or lawyers, or analysts, or electricians or carpenters, whatever the assignment that you call them to do, that they'll stay focused on that and that they won't be distracted by other worldly things. They won't not friends, not people, not places, not things, not drugs, not people, not places, not things, not drugs, nothing like that, not partying that they won't waste their time, lord, god, the short time that you've given all of us. So I pray that you'll reconcile our hearts to our children. Give us favor, with our children so that they will hear us when we approach them, to give them guidance and help us to guide and correct through love. And I ask that you'll bless every person under the sound of my voice who is in that season, whether they are young children and they have to course correct them or they're older children. That you'll give us the wisdom, but give us favor so that they will hear us, so that we can approach them and that they'll hear what we're saying and that they'll follow suit. Thank you, lord, for giving us this amazing platform and for blessing all of us. And we ask all of these things in Jesus's name Amen. All right, y'all. So I hope that helped you. I know it helped me. Thank you so much, y'all, for watching, for supporting.

Speaker 2:

We have a couple of changes that's coming up in the month of June. I'll come back and tell y'all about the month of June. Month of August I told y'all I'm tired y'all In the month of August. But, all that said, I really hope that you have a good rest of your day. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself. We're parents and we do make mistakes. Forgive yourself so that you don't play that, you don't become bitter and you don't play that out in front of your kids.

Speaker 2:

And if you're stuck, come to our prayer phone line. Okay, call our phone line. Let us know what's on your heart. If you can't make the phone line, come to the Facebook group. Come out of the wilderness. We have a chat you can use. Submit your prayer requests. Lots and lots of people there will pray alongside you and I truly hope that this will help you and help your family. All right, so God bless you. I love y'all. Have an amazing rest of your Thursday. If you're traveling, I pray traveling grace and mercies that you have an amazing, successful day. When you're done today, you're going to look back. It'll be a busy day, but you're going to look back and go oh man, that was fantastic. You feel productive, there was a lot of goodness that came out of it and that you're blessed in every area that you worked in. All right, I will see y'all next week. Take care.