Mrs. PIE
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Shelley Jeffcoat, CEO & Founder of LCM Group and Grace and Grit Media, is a dynamic Business and International Christian Woman Speaker, Founder of Come Out of the Wilderness Prayer Ministry, Author of the 'What’s My P.I.E' book series, and the engaging host of the 'Mrs PIE' podcast series.
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Mrs. PIE
Healing Wounds: Breaking Generational Cycles
June brings new parenting challenges as schedules shift and kids spend more time at home, requiring us to be intentional about how we correct and discipline. We explore a scripture-based approach to discipline that yields "peaceful fruit of righteousness" rather than leaving lasting emotional scars.
• Discipline should be "for the moment" not something that echoes through generations
• Ask "what was their intention?" before correcting a child's behavior
• Children make mistakes as part of their learning process, not to personally hurt us
• Check if you're responding based on feelings or facts
• Take a pause before reacting emotionally to a child's behavior
• Be mindful of your own unhealed wounds that might affect how you parent
• Breaking generational cycles requires intentional change in how we correct
• The same principles apply to how we guide colleagues and team members at work
• Summer should be filled with more laughter than tears in our households
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no-transcript. Good morning y'all. I'm trying something new. I've got comments now that I can actually see, so shout out to StreamYard. We need technology to work for us, to help us bring the message forward, so I'm so excited about that, so I get to see who's in the chat. So good morning family and friends. For those, even if you're watching the replay, please drop in the comments and let me know where you're watching from. We obviously have these live streams, but we also show up on the audio streets on all the audio platforms, so Audible and Spotify and pretty much wherever you listen.
Speaker 1:You can find the Mrs Pi podcast. This is a podcast in some shapes and forms, but I'm excited because we're in the month of June and this month we're focusing on our kids. So, for those of y'all who are whether it's your kids, your bonus kids, stepkids, maybe you're raising nieces and nephews and we're talking about our children who are under our care and again, they could be younger, right, or they could be adult kids. So it's going to cover parenting essentially for the month of June and I shared last week. Part of the reason that I really was excited about this is this is kind of the time of year our calendars change, our finances are a little bit different, y'all. Because we have to. We got to pay more. You know, really was excited about this is this is kind of the time of year our calendars change, our finances are a little bit different, y'all. Because we have to. We got to pay more. You know. We got to send the kids to camp, we got to pay for other expenses. You know it's very different paying for child care during the summer months and it impacts our temperament, just being honest, because our schedules shift and all the things. Right, if you're working in an office, you got to figure out childcare and how to get all the things when the kids aren't in school. So our response to how we treat the kids this month is what we're leaning in on.
Speaker 1:So shout out to those who are watching from Atlanta I feel like we're in 40 days and 40 nights of rain, but we're grateful. So we thank you Lord, because we do need the rain, but y'all, we are tired. We've seen enough. We are tired, all right. So I brought this scripture and I'm going to touch a little bit on this. I'm going to pray first and then I'm going to go straight into this scripture and here we go y'all and forgive me because I'm also dealing with Atlanta allergies. It is what it is.
Speaker 1:So, first all, we thank you for the wisdom and the understanding that you'll give us today and for all of us who have a heart to serve the children that you've placed in our lives, whether they are ours, meaning that we are their mothers and fathers, or those you put under our care. I pray that you'll just help us to treat them a little bit kinder and really think before we discipline and make sure that we're disciplining with love and showing greater care to those you put in our lives. So I pray that for every person auntie, uncle, mother, father, sister and friend and community member that you'll speak to their hearts this morning and that they'll take this message forward in their lives and apply it. So thank you for blessing us. Amen. Y'all will pray for more stuff at the end, but we got to start right.
Speaker 1:So Hebrews 12, 11, this is the ESV, a Shelley version, and it says for the moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who've been trained by it. For the moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant. So thank you, holy Spirit. So let's break this down a little bit and I'm going to give you three things that I want you to think about. I'm going to drop them in the chat, but there's three things that I want us to think about and just be really mindful of this month of June. Now I said on other teachings, if you go back and look at Monday morning and Tuesday night and all the things, that we've turned things up in June. But this also means that how we are responding, we are turning things up. That doesn't mean like we're setting things on fire. That means that we're learning and engaging and we're kind of doing things a little bit different this month.
Speaker 1:Ok, so for the moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, is a very tricky one, and if you think about discipline, quite frankly we don't really want to be disciplined. We say we do. We don't really appreciate it. It is painful at the moment, if you think of, you know, some of us, when we're disciplining our children, it's hard for us to discipline because we don't want to see them break down and we don't. We don't want, we don't want to discipline to the point where we're destroying their character. We're destroying their souls, right, we don't want to take it that far, but there's a time span. So for the moment is a time span. It means that the discipline that we give our children isn't supposed to echo through generations y'all. It's not supposed to be the kind of discipline where you discipline your child in June and they're still feeling the pain and the repercussions from that, the emotional scars from that, in the future.
Speaker 1:It's for the moment, right, there's a timestamp on it, and though it seems painful rather than pleasant, something that we have to be really careful of is when we're disciplining. This is where we're coming out of love and if you think about this y'all, even the way we treat each other when we're maybe adult to adult, the way we're kind of disciplining each other, maybe you're course correcting a friend or a colleague, a mentee, mentor, whatever, right, one of your workers, whatever. But the discipline isn't. The discipline is structured. You have to be, you know, you have to consider like what are you trying to yield? What is the fruit you're trying to yield? It says later it yields. It tells you later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. It's not supposed to be later.
Speaker 1:It yields bitterness and scars, right when I was growing up. I'm Jamaican, okay, and so training a child in the way they grow was sometimes, it felt, very harsh, and yet sometimes it felt it was steeped in love and so I would be corrected on some things. But I knew that behind it the intention was never to hurt me into destruction, right, and yet there were times where I felt like these people are crazy, right, but I never had that sense that I was being disciplined because they were trying to destroy my character or they were trying to cut through the marrow y'all. It was never like that and it yielded something. So I want us to think about that right it yields. It's supposed to yield a peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who've been trained by it.
Speaker 1:So when we're thinking about how we're interacting with our kids this month and again, kids under your care, adult children, adult kids who maybe they just graduated from college and they're still at home because they haven't found the right job yet or they're struggling and they're going through the things, and there's some boundaries that you have to set in the home, right, but even as you're applying that level of discipline, we're not supposed to make it so that it yields a fruit of bitterness or it really scars and hurt our friends. So we've got to be really careful about what we're doing and how we apply it. So I'm going to drop these questions because I want us to think about these three things. So just bear with me, I'm going to grab it from another screen and then I'm going to drop it in the chat and we're going to talk about it real quick. So the first question that I want you to ask this month, when you're correcting with care, the first question is what was the intention?
Speaker 1:What was the intention, y'all, when your kid did something wrong? Okay, what was the intention? When they did something wrong, you feel like they got on your nerve, they missed the deadline or there was something that required a level of your response. What was the intention? When our kids do something wrong, their intention most time is not to take a personal dig or to hurt you. You know, a lot of times we take what our kids do so personable. We take such great offense at our children and yet some of the things that they're doing y'all some. Can I just say that some of those stupid things they do is because they're in a season of learning. They don't know yet. They don't know the right answers. They have to experience things. They don't know all that you know. They don't have the level of experiences that we have, right, they haven't gone through the same level of pain that we have. So they are making mistakes because that is a part of their learning process, painful as it is right.
Speaker 1:So the first question I want you to ask is what was the intention? Before you start discipline, before you start correcting, you think about the intention. Don't take great offense first. That's not the first response, all right, so okay, so here's the second question. The second question I'm going to drop in is is how am I responding? And this is where y'all, we take a pause. But can I just say these are the same questions. I use these on the job as well. So it's not just it's not, it's not just something that I do when I'm, you know, thinking about how I'm responding to my daughter.
Speaker 1:But let me grab this and drop it in the chat real quick. It's how am I responding? Is it my feelings or is it fact? Is it based on my feelings I'm in my feelings about something or is it factual base, like, how am I responding If, um, my child um comes home late? You know, passes a curfew. Am I responding out of my feelings, because I'm fearful? I'm afraid that if you stay out late and you go past the timeline that I gave you, you need to be here. I'm responding out of fear because I don't know what's happening on the streets and now I'm overreacting to what happened, right? Or is it a fact? There's a pattern We've given you this boundary and you keep.
Speaker 1:Maybe've given you this. We've given you this, this, this boundary, and you're you keep. You know, maybe there's a third and fourth time and so it is fact-based meaning. Now we have a trend to say that you're not respecting our boundaries. Is it fact-based or is it feelings? So I want you to check how you're responding to your kids. Right, that will take that. That means that you can't just pop off when you're angry. You can't just pop off out. If you're responding out of feelings, you'll respond really quickly. If you're responding based on fact, you'll take a moment, you'll take a beat to think about how you respond before you respond. So the first question was what was their intention? Same principle we use with people we work with. What was their intention? The second one was how am I responding? Is it feelings or is it fact? All right. Now the third one is going to cause some of y'all to just be you'll be mad at me, but that's all right, so I'm going to go ahead and drop it in here. And this third one is we're going to sit on this one for a second y'all, because this is one of those.
Speaker 1:Some of us are still speaking from a place that's broken when we're speaking to our kids, and so we're reflecting disappointments that we had, we still have. So the third thing I want you to do is to be mindful of the wounds, of your wounds. Some of your wounds look like scars but they're not healed fully, like you ever get a cut and it takes a while for it to heal, and you might mess with that thing and on the surface it looks like it's healed, but if you tap that thing long enough, it starts to feel sore because it's not truly healed. And so I want to advise us is to be mindful of the wounds that you have. Some of the wounds that you have, of disappointment from maybe your parenting, your parenting skills, maybe the mother or father of the child, the in-laws, like all the things. I want you to be mindful of the wounds that you carry, we carry right, because some of the wounds that we carry, they're not fully healed. It looks good, I look good, I smell good, right, but some of my wounds aren't fully healed and so that means that the way that I respond I can't correct with care if my wounds aren't fully healed, because I'm going to take that out on the child or the children that are under my care.
Speaker 1:So I want us to think about something that we'll pray for this month is Lord, you know, show me what's not fully healed, because I want healing in this space, I want healing with broken heart, I want healing from disappointment. Show me what, what it is that you know, because I don't want to take this out on my child. I don't want to take this out on my grandchild, my God child, my sister you know my siblings like whoever's under your care. You know, show me what are the things that are not fully healed and speak to my heart about that and and help me, lord, to be healed in that area. And I got to tell you even, you know, if we think about cause I I'm on, I'm on the link LinkedIn profile, like as we speak, even as we think about how we show up, if we, if we, if we think about it, from how we correct or coach the folks that we work with our colleagues.
Speaker 1:A lot of us are still coaching and correcting people out of wounds that are still not healed. So I was treated poorly by my boss and I had to work this way to get here. So you're going to feel what I felt. That's absolutely ridiculous. You can't coach people out of, out of fear. You can't coach people with with when you have scars that are not fully healed, because what you're doing is y'all is doing the same principle that I talked about earlier. Where you are, um, you're, you're yielding not a peaceful fruit of righteousness, but you're yielding a fruit of bitterness, right, and that doesn't work for anybody. So I hope that helped y'all.
Speaker 1:Again, just coming on these ones this June one is a shorter, quicker, you know coming on right, quick, to share these with you, because these are some principles that I think we all know and if you don't know, this is a good you know. This is good education, right? If you already know some of this, this is a good reminder. Some of it is meant to prick your heart a little bit. I want us to really be intentional about how we treat our kids, how we speak to our kids and kids under our care.
Speaker 1:We're in the month of June and, though I am praying for all and everything to go right and well and that you're blessed in your life, part of what we always talk about Christian folks we always talk about wanting to break generational curses. You have to do the work to do that. Part of breaking generational curses means that you've got to know how to treat the next generation, not just the ones behind you, but the ones you have under your care right now. You can't say you want to break generational curses and then continue treating kids the way you were just because that's how grandma did it, that's how mama did it, that's how mama did it and that's the way I'm going to do it. You're not going to break anything or stop the cycle and heal anything if you're doing the same thing that you went through y'all. We can't do that.
Speaker 1:So, lord, I thank you for your teaching this morning and reminding us to correct with care those that you have placed under us, especially for folks who keep asking for their calling and their assignments. That part of our assignment is to take care of those that you have actually assigned to us, those under our rooms, whether they're small children or adult children that have been moved on and moved out. I pray that you'll prick the heart of every person under the sound of my voice and you'll teach them. If there's any scars that have been unhealed, if there's any brokenness in their minds and in their heart, any form of disappointment that they still carry that still needs to be healed, that they'll hear this message and they'll seek you out, Lord, and that you'll show them what they need to do. If they need counseling or coaching or mentorship whatever it is, the tools and resources that you'll reveal it to them and make it available to them so that they can get the healing that they need.
Speaker 1:Lord, I thank you for those who are listening here live and for those who are watching the replay, that you'll speak to each of them and that you've heard their cry. I also ask for healing in the families, lord God, families that have been broken and separated. I pray for fathers and mothers who are going through a lot this season. They can't provide like they did before because of financial needs that they have. Lord, I also ask, lord, god, that you will bless them and give them all the financial protection and everything that they need. Pray for kids that are at the summer camps. Pray for all the teachers and adults that are caring for our kids. That every hand Lord listen Lord every hand that touches our kids is a blessed one. That our children are protected this summer and this will be a fun one, an amazing one, an educational one but every one of our children, whether they are young or adult, that this will be a blessed summer for them. And all of these things I ask. I know that you'll touch every family under the sun of my voice and give them what they need. Amen.
Speaker 1:I pray that this summer, y'all, that we'll hear more laughter than tears. And if we hear tears, y'all, if there are tears, it's because we laugh so hard we are exploding, right. I swear. I love the sound of laughter from kids. Kids, you're old and young. I love the sound of laughter from kids. So I pray that that floods your household this summer, that their household is filled with laughter from kids, that you have joy in your heart and that you have joy in your house and that you will correct with care. All right, god bless you. I love you. Thank you so much for checking in with me. I love seeing the chat y'all, so we're going to keep that going. Thank you so much for supporting me. Don't forget we have the prayer line one o'clock and seven o'clock today For those of y'all who are standing in need of prayer. I know we have folks that come on and just listen. That's all right, we still cover you, so I hope that helps. God bless you Y'all. Have an amazing rest of your day. Take care.